Showing the Shitter-poo stories
Again, it has been quite a while since I have posted in my Showing the Shitter blog. But I was reminded today that I have too many stories to keep them to myself. So I thought I would do a series of actual poo houses. I told these to some friends the other day because for some reason there is a lot of poo when it comes to Real Estate.
The 1st poo story comes from a time when you actually found foreclosures (remember those days???). This was a historic house in a great neighborhood that had fallen on bad times. I had an investor that was looking for some homes to flip so I thought this would be perfect. As some of you know, all foreclosures have the water turned off and winterized and this was no different. Most even have plastic or a sign over the toilet and sinks that say, Winterized, Do Not Use and this was no different. What was different in this house is that someone either couldn't read or didn't care because there was a giant pile of corn poop that was sitting on top of the clear plastic and sign that said Do Not Use. I try to picture the scenario that led to this and the aftermath. My favorite scenario is that the Realtor was showing the house and while the wife was upstairs looking with the Agent, the husband runs down to the hall bathroom in a panic and just as he closes the door and has his pants unbuckled, he sees the Do Not Use plastic. But alas, it is too late and there is no stopping so he squats. He then realizes if there is a Do Not Use sign, there is also no toilet paper and now there is also no way of getting rid of the evidence. In a cold sweat, he quickly pulls his pants up and exits the bathroom, calling to his wife that this house just doesn't work for them and they should immediately leave. As the wife and agent pass the closed hall bathroom door he fiercely guards against them opening it, saying he just doesn't have a good feeling in his gut about the house.
The 2nd poo story comes from a nice ground level condo in Downtown. My client was looking for an investment condo for her son and we had 3 options to choose from but from the pictures, I thought this would be my favorite. We pull up and there is even parking out front so I take this as a good sign. I also loved that the entrance was right on the street so there wouldn't be a shared hallway. We walk up to the stoop and stop dead in our tracks. Someone has not only pooped on the door but projectile pooped so it landed about a 3rd of the way up from the bottom and ran down into a pile at the foot of the door. There was also a pair of discarded mittens that had been used to wipe. With sadness in my heart, I knew I had to call the Listing Agent and tell them the situation. When she answered, I explained the poo situation. She was justly horrified but said, well if you want to still show it, we should go ahead. I told her I sincerely appreciated her continued effort to sell the condo but if I opened the door the river of shit would just flow inside the house and she really needed to come clean it 1st. I think the homeowner would have appreciated my effort not to add shit to their house.
The 3rd poo story comes from a fix and flip that my investor bought. We knew it was a crack house but it was a great price and neighborhood. We did the inspection and found a lot of poop in the basement. I assumed it was dog poop and again, we knew the condition was bad and the investor was going to go in and gut the place anyways. So we moved forward with the purchase. A few months later, the house was cleaned, fixed and ready for market. The 1st open house I am setting out signs and getting the house ready when the neighbor pops in. He wants to tour the house to see how it has changed from the former crack house. As we walk around he explains how he himself is a ex-crack addict and how he used to come over quite a bit. As we hit the basement he starts getting nostalgic and asks me if I knew that when you smoke crack, you then have to poop immediately. I said I didn't know that but you learn something new each day. Right before we turn back to the main level he comments that he is so thankful that the bathroom had been fixed and was now working because that was a huge problem. It dawned on me then that all the poo we found down there was likely not from a dog.
The 1st poo story comes from a time when you actually found foreclosures (remember those days???). This was a historic house in a great neighborhood that had fallen on bad times. I had an investor that was looking for some homes to flip so I thought this would be perfect. As some of you know, all foreclosures have the water turned off and winterized and this was no different. Most even have plastic or a sign over the toilet and sinks that say, Winterized, Do Not Use and this was no different. What was different in this house is that someone either couldn't read or didn't care because there was a giant pile of corn poop that was sitting on top of the clear plastic and sign that said Do Not Use. I try to picture the scenario that led to this and the aftermath. My favorite scenario is that the Realtor was showing the house and while the wife was upstairs looking with the Agent, the husband runs down to the hall bathroom in a panic and just as he closes the door and has his pants unbuckled, he sees the Do Not Use plastic. But alas, it is too late and there is no stopping so he squats. He then realizes if there is a Do Not Use sign, there is also no toilet paper and now there is also no way of getting rid of the evidence. In a cold sweat, he quickly pulls his pants up and exits the bathroom, calling to his wife that this house just doesn't work for them and they should immediately leave. As the wife and agent pass the closed hall bathroom door he fiercely guards against them opening it, saying he just doesn't have a good feeling in his gut about the house.
The 2nd poo story comes from a nice ground level condo in Downtown. My client was looking for an investment condo for her son and we had 3 options to choose from but from the pictures, I thought this would be my favorite. We pull up and there is even parking out front so I take this as a good sign. I also loved that the entrance was right on the street so there wouldn't be a shared hallway. We walk up to the stoop and stop dead in our tracks. Someone has not only pooped on the door but projectile pooped so it landed about a 3rd of the way up from the bottom and ran down into a pile at the foot of the door. There was also a pair of discarded mittens that had been used to wipe. With sadness in my heart, I knew I had to call the Listing Agent and tell them the situation. When she answered, I explained the poo situation. She was justly horrified but said, well if you want to still show it, we should go ahead. I told her I sincerely appreciated her continued effort to sell the condo but if I opened the door the river of shit would just flow inside the house and she really needed to come clean it 1st. I think the homeowner would have appreciated my effort not to add shit to their house.
The 3rd poo story comes from a fix and flip that my investor bought. We knew it was a crack house but it was a great price and neighborhood. We did the inspection and found a lot of poop in the basement. I assumed it was dog poop and again, we knew the condition was bad and the investor was going to go in and gut the place anyways. So we moved forward with the purchase. A few months later, the house was cleaned, fixed and ready for market. The 1st open house I am setting out signs and getting the house ready when the neighbor pops in. He wants to tour the house to see how it has changed from the former crack house. As we walk around he explains how he himself is a ex-crack addict and how he used to come over quite a bit. As we hit the basement he starts getting nostalgic and asks me if I knew that when you smoke crack, you then have to poop immediately. I said I didn't know that but you learn something new each day. Right before we turn back to the main level he comments that he is so thankful that the bathroom had been fixed and was now working because that was a huge problem. It dawned on me then that all the poo we found down there was likely not from a dog.
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